Regrets

It happens to all of us once in a while, we wake up one morning and regret crashes down on our shoulders. Regret, because we let ourselves be talked into something we'd already said we didn't want to do, and now we're trapped.

I had one of those mornings just recently, after placement finished. I woke up on Good Friday morning, (well, Good Friday afternoon, really, because I slept in and didn't get up until midday) and regret wrapped its noose around my neck. Why had I gone back to childcare, when I already knew I didn't enjoy working with certain age groups? Why hadn't I stuck with my original plans and done a creative writing course this year, and looked at doing either a BA or Bachelor of Communication next year? Why?

The answer, I believe, is because I'm desperate to please the people I love. While no one forced me to study childcare, a person I care very deeply about made it quite clear to me that they didn't think I should be studying creative writing. This hurt me deeply, as this person has always said they want me to do what makes me happy, and I felt I already knew that, while I enjoyed the theory of childcare, working with children didn't make me happy. Don't get me wrong, I love children, and I enjoy working one-on-one with young children, but supervising a large group of 15-20 children day-in, day-out... not my cup of tea.

I have to be honest and say that I regret listening to this person, and I regret changing my mind and doing what they wanted me to do. 

I love studying children's development, which is a major part of my theoretical studies, but the practice of looking after them is draining, tiring, and thankless. People say its a rewarding job, looking after little ones, but I was sick and tired of all but one of them by the end of my placement. There was no reward, just drudgery. Not that I would have hurt the children, or done anything to compromise their safety, but I don't want to work in an environment I don't like, and where I'm not giving 100%.

OK, so, that's my little rant. I wish I'd gone down a different path and left childcare in the past. There's no point dropping out now, however, as I won't get into any other courses until midyear at the earliest. So, I'll finish my cert, but I don't think I'll go on and do my diploma of children's services midyear. 

~ Australian Kiwi

Twenty Years Living

Yesterday (09/03/2013) I said farewell to my pre-adult years and the joys of teen-hood, and celebrated my twentieth birthday.

I raked in a good haul, receiving from my sister the book Ransom by David Malouf, and a beautiful Birthday Girl champagne flute from my parents. My aunt gave me money towards a pair of bike shorts for the Ride to Conquer Cancer, and my friend over in Sweden sent me two Swedish shot glasses to add to my collection.

I was lucky enough to get birthday brunch and birthday dinner, as my sister had to work last night, and couldn't be at the dinner. We went for brunch at Theobrama Chocolate Lounge in Melbourne Central, and, while everyone else helped themselves to second breakfast and chocolate drinks, I went all out for the chocolate. I had a dark chocolate frappe with whipped cream, and a croissant drizzled in molten chocolate, with strawberries and vanilla ice-cream on the side.

In fact, I had a lot of chocolate yesterday but, it was my birthday, so, why not?

Birthday dinner with my parents and my aunt was a lovely affair. We had before dinner nibbles alfresco style, as it was cooler outside than in. We had a mixture of sweet and savory nibbles, with chips, bagettes, breadsticks and dips, along with licorice bullets, dark chocolate and party mix, gracing the table. Dinner, cooked by my wonderful mother, consisted of a main dish of chicken in a rich mushroom sauce, with two sides: homemade semi-dried tomatoes, and fresh asparagus in a seeded mustard dressing. Then, for desert, there was, of course, birthday cake, but also homemade chocolate truffles and peppermint cremes.

Facebook proved the place to be for birthday wishes, with my family and friends all over the world stopping by my wall to write a birthday message. I received wishes from Australia, New Zealand, and even Sweden!

So, twenty, what does it even mean?

It was my first birthday back in Melbourne, and I'm taking the fact that it went so well as a good omen for the rest of my year. A lot of good things have happened to me around this time, and I had a look at my astrological yearly forecast I had done at the Mind, Body, Spirit Festival last year. According to the forecast, at about this time, things swill start to fall into place for me, and difficult tasks do not seen as daunting as they usually would. The interesting thing is, I start placement on Tuesday next week, and have a lot of work to get through. Normally, the thought of interacting with children and having to take observations, organize activities etc. would terrify me, but I've been no more flustered by this than I would be by a feather floating past my ear. Actually I'm really looking forward to placement, and I'm seeking it, not as a difficult task, but as a fantastic experience in my industry.

I also managed to tick something off on my bucket list recently! I have just started lessons with my very first ESL student. We met last Wednesday, and got on like a house on fire. We'll meet weekly for as long as she likes, which could be a month, or we could be seeing each other for years!

So, I look at twenty as the beginning of something good, something powerful and special. After all, you only live once.

~ Australian Kiwi