Regrets

It happens to all of us once in a while, we wake up one morning and regret crashes down on our shoulders. Regret, because we let ourselves be talked into something we'd already said we didn't want to do, and now we're trapped.

I had one of those mornings just recently, after placement finished. I woke up on Good Friday morning, (well, Good Friday afternoon, really, because I slept in and didn't get up until midday) and regret wrapped its noose around my neck. Why had I gone back to childcare, when I already knew I didn't enjoy working with certain age groups? Why hadn't I stuck with my original plans and done a creative writing course this year, and looked at doing either a BA or Bachelor of Communication next year? Why?

The answer, I believe, is because I'm desperate to please the people I love. While no one forced me to study childcare, a person I care very deeply about made it quite clear to me that they didn't think I should be studying creative writing. This hurt me deeply, as this person has always said they want me to do what makes me happy, and I felt I already knew that, while I enjoyed the theory of childcare, working with children didn't make me happy. Don't get me wrong, I love children, and I enjoy working one-on-one with young children, but supervising a large group of 15-20 children day-in, day-out... not my cup of tea.

I have to be honest and say that I regret listening to this person, and I regret changing my mind and doing what they wanted me to do. 

I love studying children's development, which is a major part of my theoretical studies, but the practice of looking after them is draining, tiring, and thankless. People say its a rewarding job, looking after little ones, but I was sick and tired of all but one of them by the end of my placement. There was no reward, just drudgery. Not that I would have hurt the children, or done anything to compromise their safety, but I don't want to work in an environment I don't like, and where I'm not giving 100%.

OK, so, that's my little rant. I wish I'd gone down a different path and left childcare in the past. There's no point dropping out now, however, as I won't get into any other courses until midyear at the earliest. So, I'll finish my cert, but I don't think I'll go on and do my diploma of children's services midyear. 

~ Australian Kiwi