Actions speak louder than words

Or, that's part of my New Year's Resolution for 2011 anyway. Next year, which will arrive in Victoria, Australia in approximately two hours, I have decided that I am going to judge people on how they act rather than what they say or what is said about them. So, if X says that Y is a cheap skank, I will wait and meet Y before I judge them. It might be a hard thing to keep, but I'm going to try. Do any of you readers and followers have a New Year's Resolution? If so I'd love to know what it is. Just comment beneath this post if you're brave enough ;)

~ Australian Kiwi

Scholarship!

So, I got a letter for VTAC this morning saying that LaTrobe University is considering me a scholarship for next year. It finally feels like something has gone right!

Early Acceptance

I am very excited because an early acceptance letter arrived in the mail today offering me a conditional place at LaTrobe University to study social work next year. That takes a lot of pressure off me knowing that, as long as I get an ATAR over 50, I'll be going to uni next year. Now, if my Atar results would just arrive... But that's not going to happen unti lthe 13th. I wish anyone else waiting for results and uni offers the best of luck.

Australian Kiwi

Lock Island

I put a towel down underneath a gum tree, put my headphones in my ears, put my iPod on shuffle and then lay back and closed my eyes behind my sunglasses. A kookaburra laughed and I laughed with it. I sang along to Missy Higgins 'All For Believing' while a bird whistled in a tree above me. I did absolutely nothing for over two hours and I loved it! I highly recommended it to anyone feeling stressed or lost. Go to The Great Australian Ice-Creamery first and get yourself a double scoop of your favourite ice-cream and then walk down to Lock 11, you'll have finished your ice-cream by the time you get there. Cross over the gates of the Lock and then walk around the island until you come to a little 'beach' area. Then just lie down and do nothing. Incredible relaxing.

Australian Kiwi

Crazy Student

What the hell is a crazy student? I'll tell you. It's me! I have set up a blog on tumblr which I will update once a week until uni starts and then more frequently once I am a uni student. Crazy Student will detail all my adventures through uni, Australia Kiwi will detail my adventures outside uni. You can visit Crazy Student and see what I've got so far here:http://crazystudent.tumblr.com/

The Flirty Fifties

So, on a dare, I went onto polyvore and designed a 'flirty fifties' outfit. I know the dress is fifties and so are the shoes. I tried to make the rest of the stuff fifties, but I'm not sure I succeeded. Let me know what you think. The 'A' You're Adorable is from a popular song in the late forties and early fifties.

Flirty Fifties by jewelsbyers featuring pleaser shoes

50s crepe dress
180 GBP - karenmillen.com
Crepe dress »

POLKA DOTS
vspink.com

Funtasma By Pleaser Women's Arena-50 Mary Jane Pump
$30 - endless.com
Pleaser shoes »

Carillon satin clutch
$975 - shopsavannahs.com
Satin handbag »

stila cosmetics - eye shadow trio
stilacosmetics.com

Nars Lipstick in trans siberian
17 GBP - hqhair.com

PINK HEART
vspink.com

Help me raise $1000 for Kids Helpline!

Dear everyone,

This Christmas I am raising money for Kids Helpline. I would love it if you all chipped in a little to help me raise $1000 for this much needed, much used service. Just click the link below and then click the 'Donate Now' button on the right above the photo of me.

Thanks everyone!

http://www.everydayhero.com.au/mychristmasgift

Final Exam!

My last exam is today and I'm excited. No, not about the exam! About the fact that, once it's over, I will have a life! While I'm on the subject of the end of exams, I need to find a job. I won't work in fast food (ick!) but if anyone knows anywhere that's hiring in Mildura, let me know and I will be eternally grateful.

Australian Kiwi

Consider

"The strangest thing is, the moment you realize with a certainty that you don't want to be, everything you have flashes before your eyes as if you were already dead and a tiny voice inside you whispers: Don't." - Anonymous

The End...(or is it?)

Well, I just had my last official day at St. Joseph's College, Mildura. It kind of feels, well, dare I say it, normal. Yeah, it does feel pretty normal. I don't think it's really sunk it yet that I've finished high school, well, except for my exams. Maybe it will hit after exams that I'm no longer a high school student. Watdayathink?

Australian Kiwi

P.S. Before anyone else takes credit, those timers in LP were MINE! ;)

R.I.P The Honorable Justice Dean

I woke up this morning to my dad telling me that my baby bearded dragon, The Honorable Justice Dean, had died over night. I spent the morning in tears and now I'm spent and don't know what to do with myself. I loved Dean so much and now he's gone. Our other baby dragon, Lord Henry, has been looking all around his enclosure for Dean all day and every time I look it makes me sad. I don't know what to do and I want Dean back! Dean used to make everything so much better. I could give him a cuddle and everything would be better and now I can't give him a cuddle and Henry runs away when I try to pick him up to give him a cuddle. Dean, if you decide you don't like it in heaven, please come home. I miss you so much!

Life

FUCK!

Days like this...

Australian Kiwi

A Girl and her Guitar

Just a random picture I designed. I don't play the guitar, but I do know what it's like to get lost in your own individual world. Music in general can do that to people.

Australian Kiwi

Scandal

Definition: a disgraceful or discreditable action, circumstance etc. (Dictionary.com)

I doubt it. Really, I do. In today's society, the word scandal has taken on a whole different meaning. Today, scandals are things that society would rather sweep under the rug. Here's a few: teenage pregnancy; child abuse; underage sex; mental illness; suicide... need I continue? Hopefully not. You should all know that society thinks of these things as 'scandals'. Certainly, many of these situations aren't necessarily good, but they're not necessarily bad, either. Let me give you an example close to my heart.

A good friend of mine is going through a really tough time with depression at the moment. She felt alone and lost in her murky world. So, one night, she decided to end it. I won't tell you how, only that her brother found her and, fortunately, it didn't work. She thought that, perhaps, after her attempt, people would listen to her. But they didn't. Even the doctor at the hospital told her parents that it was just 'a plea for attention' but he did stress the need to get her help. She is getting help, but it's hard to tell if it's working. She hides how she's feeling so well. You'd think she was the happiest kid on the block. But she's not.

Now, what does that story have to do with scandal? Maybe if society wasn't so narrow minded then my friend would have been able to come clean about her depression earlier and wouldn't have had to resort to an attempt on her life to get help. Suicide is considered to be a scandal. People want all the juicy gossip and damn the grieving family and friends. Wake up! All your so called 'scandals' are nothing more than vicious gossip about events which are affecting other people's lives to a degree that your worst nightmares can't imagine. So, next time you want to hear all the juice about the sixteen year old girl who got pregnant, think: Is this going to affect my life? No. Is gossiping about this person going to affect their life? Yes.

Or, let me put it you simply: Would you want someone gossiping about your problems?

Australian Kiwi

Ya know when...

You know those times when you're just so angry you could hit someone? When you're not angry about anything in particular, you're just angry? Yeah, I feel like that.

People who'd kill for you

People who'd die for you are rare.

People who'd kill for you are once in a blue moon.

I'm lucky enough to know one of those people.

This one's for you, Mich. Thanks for everything!

If I went away forever...

If you never saw me again, where would you look?

A comment on 'Secrets'

A friend of mine - who will remain nameless, faceless and blogless - wrote an interesting post on the 13th of September about 'secrets'. What they are, what they mean and why people keep them. I would like to add something to that. I keep a lot of secrets, mostly other people's, I must have a trustworthy look about me because people have unloaded some pretty heavy baggage onto my shoulders. With all the secrets I'm keeping, it hasn't surprised me how sick I've become. Secrets can be a lot of things. As my nameless, faceless, blogless friend says, they can be annoying, surprising and sad, but, for me, they all tend to be detrimental. Secrets have screwed me to hell!

Australian Kiwi

Did someone say photography isn't art?

These images were sent to me in an email. I thought they were so incredible that I just had to share them! They aren't mine, of course, and copyright belong to the original photographer. Please take the time to go through all twenty images, it will only take two or three minutes and it is definitely worth it.

Australian Kiwi

La belle dame sans merci

Year Twelve Literature can be the bane of my existence some days and the only reason I get out of bed others. This afternoon was definitely one of those 'this is the only reason I got out of bed' days. We're studying fifteen of Keats' poems, starting with La belle dam sans merci and my class spent two hours deconstructing it! Best class of my life to date!

Australian Kiwi

P.S. I put the poem below. Read it! It's awesome! Also, the picture before the poem is my favorite visual interpretation of this poem. :)

"They cried 'La belle dame sans merci thee hath in thrall.'"

~ La belle dame sans merci by John Keats ~

La belle dame sans merci

by John Keats

O what can ail thee knight at arms

Alone and palely loitering?

The sedge has withered from the Lake

And no birds sing!

O what can ail thee knight at arms

So haggard and so woe begone?

The squirrel's granary is full

And the harvest's done.

I see a lily on thy brow

With anguish moist and fever drew,

And on they cheeks a fading rose

Fast withereth too -

I met a Lady in the Meads

Full beautiful, a faery's child

Her hair was long, her foot was light

And her eyes were wild -

I made a Garland for her head,

And bracelets too, and fragrant Zone:

And look'd at me as she did love

And made sweet moan -

I set her on my pacing steed

And nothing else saw all day long

For sidelong would she bend and sing

A faery's song -

She found me roots of relish sweet

And honey and manna dew

And sure in language strange she said

'I love thee true' -

She took me to her elfin grot

And there she wept and sigh'd full sore

And there I shut her wild wild eyes

With kisses four.

And there she lulled me asleep

And there I dream'd - Ah Woe betide!

The latest dream I ever dreamt

On the cold hill side.

I saw pale kings and Princes too

Pale warriors, death pale were they all;

They cried 'La belle dame sans merci

Thee hath in thrall.'

I saw their starv'd lips in the gloam

With horrid warning gaped wide

And I awoke and found me here

On the cold hill's side

And this is why I sojoun here

Alone and palely loitering;

Though the sedge is wither'd from the Lake

and no birds sing -

A response to Marie Claire's 'investigation' into antidepressant medications

Today my mum picked up a copy of marie claire: the 15th birthday collectors edition because there was something in it she wanted me to have a look at. The article she wanted me to see was titled: INVESTIGATION: A NEW DIRECTION OR THE END OF THE ROAD? and it was about all the nasty lies drug companies tell with regards to antidepressant medications. Having recently had a relapse of depression myself, I read with interest, until I realised that I was reading a biased, one-sided article that only used selective facts.

Among those who are depressed or have another mood altering disorder, it's a well known fact that antidepressants should only be taken on advice from a qualified mental health practitioner with experience in treating the relevant mood disorder and while being observed by a GP. When reading marie claire's article, what really stuck me was the fact that not one of the people mentioned had taken antidepressants as a last resort or done any research on them prior to taking them. Every person mentioned in the article had been given anti-depressants by their GP as a first hand resort and simply swallowed the pill without knowing what it was or, it appeared, reading the warnings. Antidepressants, like every other form of medication on this planet, has side effects. Mood-altering disorders alter the chemical balance in your brain, anti-depressants help combat this. Your brain is a complex place so its no wonder that, while the medications are still getting to work, you can have severe side-effects.

Going along in the article, I realised something else. Everyone of the people interviews who'd had a bad experience with antidepressants had had an extreme reaction. Research which marie claire failed to make use of, shows that, while these extreme cases do occur, they are few and far between. They also used a quote by a Dr. Tracy which stated that it was "so rare in murder-suicides or mass shootings not to find an anti-depressant involved". Martin Bryant, the man who murdered 35 people during the Port Arthur Massacre, was not on anti-depressants. Hudson, the man who shot dead Brendan Keilar in 2007 in the Melbourne CBD, was not on anti-depressants. Dr. Tracy also states that she has recorded over 4000 incidents of murder-suicides and mass shootings where the killer was on anti-depressants, yet only lists one. Surely she could give the readers the courtesy of listing at least two?

It's also true that anti-depressants can cause a spike in suicidal thinking, but there is a difference between suicidal thinking and suicide, many of us forget that. Just because someone has suicidal thoughts doesn't acctually mean they will commit suicide. The example marie claire used for this was a woman who participated in a drug trail. She had never shown any signs of depression before and, two weeks into the trial, she hanged herself with her own scarf. If you're not in pain, you wouldn't take a painkiller, so, if you're not depressed, why would you take an anti-depressant? Anti-depressants are there to help balance out the serotonin levels in the brain, if your serotonin levels are already balanced, then taking anti-depressants will give you too much serotonin. Too much serotonin is toxic to the body, so it flushes the excess serotonin out, often leaving too little behind. For a person with depression or a mood altering disorder, the serotonin is balanced out, usually without severe side-effects, and they can come off the medication.

Speaking of coming off the medication, marie claire mentioned the case of a woman who weaned herself off anti-depressants... without first consulting her doctor. Anti-depressants are brain altering medications and no one should EVER come off them without the support of a GP. Marie claire failed to mention this bit about anti-depressants until the very end of their article in the fine print that nobody bothers to read.

So, before you go running off thinking about how terrible anti-depressants are, think about those people for whom nothing else has worked, who are using them as a last resort and are using them properly under the supervision of an experienced GP and psychiatrist. If those people didn't have access to those medications, then they would be like asthmatics without ventilation or diabetics without insulin. Imagine that...

Australian Kiwi

Australian Kiwi!

I have finally got around to making a new picture and changing my name! I am now, officially, Australian Kiwi. You can see my new profile picture to the left. What do you think? Comments are welcome!

Australian Kiwi

GREASE is the word (or should that be world?)

I have a love-hate relationship with the SJC Production of GREASE: The Musical. On one hand I love it. Being part of something this big in my last year of school is an amazing experience. I've also never been part of a backstage crew before and I'm finding it to be a very rewarding experience. However, on the other hand, I'm missing a lot of school and I'm so far behind on my school work that it's not funny! Oh GREASE... I'll be sad when you're gone but happy when you're over.

Australian Kiwi

Stress-gust

Forget August, Stress-gust is the name of the last month of Winter. Why Stress-gust? Simple. I'VE GOT TOO MUCH ON MY PLATE! Aside from the usual SACs and all the other stuff that goes with your final year, I also volunteered to help out backstage in GREASE (strike one), then I have a session in Adelaide about enlisting in the ADF, meaning I miss of a day of school when I already miss nearly a week with GREASE (strike two) and, finally, I have to worry about uni applications and what course I want to do next year and all this other stuff that I seriously don't need! Why can't teachers prepare you for the psychological stress of year twelve as well as the fricking exams!

Australian Kiwi

Where'd all the fanfiction stuff go?

The fanfiction stuff, it wandered over to a new blog.

http://jewelsbyersffcentral.blogspot.com/ is where everything relating to my fanfiction will now be posted. So, if you liked my fanfiction, then make sure you follow me over there because I will be posting everything from updates to teasers to cover art. Australian Kiwi will now be a random blog about my random life.

Australian Kiwi

Here's what I think about lingering

Do you have vivid dreams before you die?

Australian Kiwi

Will we never learn?

This cartoon, which was published in Britain just after the Treaty of Versailles was signed at the end of the first world war, has always struck a cord with me. It shows the leaders of the countries who were involved in signing the so called 'peace treaty' - France, Great Britain, Italy and the U.S.A. - walking away, their hats doffed to the future dead. Clemencaeu, the leader of France, has the walking stick and glances over his shoulder and the caption down the bottom is his words: 'Curious! I seem to hear a child weeping.' A weeping child is shown behind a post with the caption '1940 Class' above his head and a copy of the 'peace treaty' at his feet. He represents the young men who will be old enough for conscription in 1940, when the cartoonist predicts another war will break out due to the horrendous terms of the treaty. As we all know, this cartoon proved only too accurate.

This cartoon has always struck a chord within me, I don't really know why. Maybe because it seems so timeless. Think about it, this cartoon was published over eighty years ago and we continue to wage wars at the expense of the best and brightest in society: our young. Both world wars, Vietnam, Korea, Iraq, Afghanistan... for what? Dead bodies and grieving families seems to be all we've gotten back from every war we've ever fought. Say the child in the cartoon is anywhere between two and five, by 1940 he will be anywhere between twenty-two and twenty-five, old enough for conscription or - God forbid! - willing enlistment! Now, I'm not having a go at the soldiers, I have the utmost respect for the men and women who brave, and have braved, the front lines, but I want to know what positives come out of a war. I can't see many: post-traumatic stress, depression, anxiety disorders, drug and alcohol abuse and, the fate of many, suicide, are not positives things. Also, how many men and women come back from the front lines in coffins? A military funeral doesn't change the fact that they're dead or bring them back to their grieving families. Have a look at the cartoon again, look at it, have a really long, hard look and then try and answer this question: Will we never learn?

Australian Kiwi

The Coma Patient

Don't ask me what this one is, again just a random photoshopped image. These images, by the way, all belong to different people. I own nothing except the way I put them together. This one shows a woman in a coma as she dreams. She sees herself wrapped in plastic, representing being trapped in her own head, and drowning in the ocean, representing being unable to do anything about her situation.

Australian Kiwi

My Reflection

This has nothing to do with any of my fan-fiction (although, if you've seen my 'Lile through the ages' banner you will recognize the girl I used). I was mucking around on Photoshop and designed this image. It's full title is 'My reflection used to be so much clearer'.

The girl on the right of the page is looking at her reflection on the left of the page. The reflection is fuzzy and blurred, meaning that the girl on the right isn't sure of what she sees. Or, maybe she doesn't want to believe what she is seeing? Regardless, neither she nor the viewer can see the reflection clearly. She has been hiding something (depression? An eating disorder? Self-esteem issues?) for so long that she has forgotten what she really looks like.

The shooting star in the background flies past, giving her a brief moment of light or the chance to make a wish. What will she wish for?

This picture can relate to all of us. We all have our secrets and some of us have really big secrets. We need to be careful that we don't let our secrets take over and, when a moment of light of the chance to make a wish comes, we must grab it before it falls below the horizon and leaves us alone in the night.

Australian Kiwi

Do you know me?

Hi all! Do you know me? Maybe you do, maybe you don't. Well, for those who don't, I'm Australian Kiwi! Welcome to my blog!

I'm an aspiring writer and am working on a novel set pre, during and post World War One following the story of a nurse and a soldier. When I'm not working on my novel I write fan-fiction and you can find me over at fan-fiction.net. My pen name is jewelsbyers and I write fan-fiction for Twilight. Yes, I know that a lot of people think Twilight is old news, but I really like it. If you want to read some of my fanfiction head over to my other blog here: http://jewelsbyersffcentral.blogspot.com/ and you can follow the links to some of the stuff I write.

OK, I'm going to stop writing now and hopefully I'll get some more stuff up during the week. Also, I'm a very random person, so some of the stuff I put up here might be really weird! Bear with me, I make sense eventually.

See ya,

Australian Kiwi