If you want to read the article, you can do so here, but, I warn you, it doesn't make for pleasant viewing. What's even more disturbing is that the woman who wrote it runs a popular parenting blog! Good God in Heaven, but, if we followed her advice, child protection would be knocking on every door in Australia!
The main gist of the article is this: that children have opinions, but they're not as important as the opinions of adults, and shouldn't be of interest to a parent. This makes me both sad and angry, the idea that parents shouldn't listen to their child's opinion. Now, this does not mean that a child, particularly a toddler, should be choosing where the parents go for lunch/dinner/brunch/breakfast/coffee, but any parent who does not listen to, respect, and value their child's opinion does not deserve to be a parent.
The article gives an example of so-called 'indulgent parenting', where a young couple and their toddler-aged son arrived at the cafe the author worked in a the time. They were there to have brunch, and, according to the author, the following exchange took place.
Author: Table for three?
Parents: We'll need a minute. Sweetie, what do you want for brunch? Do you want eggs? Do you want to stay here?
Toddler: DAK!
Parents: (to toddler) Oh, OK honey. (to author) Sorry, he wants pancakes, you don't have those do you?
Rather than recording her answer to this very reasonable question, the author proceeds to tell us that she laughed, yes laughed, at these parents. She tries to justify it by saying that she couldn't 'quite read their faces' but 'they've got to be joking', and that she 'chuckled', rather than laughed. Whatever she calls it, she laughed at potential customers, and then proceeded to viciously mock their parenting in her article. Did I mention that they left with their son? And so they should have! I would have left too if a staff member laughed at me. To me, it sounds like the author was simply annoyed that this family chose not to stay in her cafe, which means she missed out on a tip. Petty much?
The author then comments:
Maybe, just maybe, your child isn't making words at all and you are ridiculously projecting some kind of foodie personality on him already. That could be a possibility, couldn't it?Or, perhaps his parents are more in tune with his babbling than you, who has only seen him once, could ever be, and know that 'DAK', is his word for 'pancakes'. Just because you don't understand it, doesn't mean his parents don't. Young children are constantly practicing their language skills, learning how to make intelligible sounds, and naming objects around them in their own baby language. Unfortunately, most adults don't understand this baby language, and we call it 'babbling', but it's an important part of a child's development. Dismissing babbling as 'nonsense', which this author does, is to say that a child's attempt to talk and communicate as adults do is worthless. Sounds like a classic case of 'children should be seen, not heard'.
But, I haven't even got to the most disturbing part of the article yet. Twelve paragraphs in, in ALL CAPS, the author makes the following statement regarding toddlers:
THEIR OPINIONS JUST AREN'T AS IMPORTANT AS OURS.Well, I'm disgusted that any rational, loving parent could possibly believe this in any way, shape or form. If I heard any parent at the daycare say this, either to another parent, a staff member, or - God forbid! - a child, I would be reporting it to my director immediately, and recommending that the parent be offered some resources to educate them on the importance of understanding, and respecting, their child's opinion.
Respecting your child's opinion doesn't mean slavishly allowing them whatever they want. For example, if it's dinner time, and you're having steak and three veg, and it is your child's opinion that double chocolate ice-cream would make a better dinner, don't leap to your feet and get them a bowl of ice-cream. Instead, tell them that ice-cream is a treat for after dinner/weekends/birthdays or whatever you have decided. Tell them that it's important to eat their dinner, so they don't go hungry, but don't fall into the old trap of forcing them to eat. If they want to eat the steak, but not the vegetables, don't get too fussed about it. Ask them why they don't want to eat the vegetables. The likely answer is going to be 'I don't like them'. Ask them why, and get them to think about why they don't like them. If you get an answer along the lines of 'Because they're yucky', I would recommend just leaving it there. Keep trying with the vegetables but, as long as your child is not underweight, or in any other way unhealthy, don't push too hard. My sister hated vegetables all through her childhood, and even perfected the art of screaming with her mouth closed when my mum tried to feed her anything green. She's changed her tune now she's older, and enjoys her home made smoothies, and fruit and veggie juices. She even brought herself a home juicer.
The point? Your children's tastes will change as they grow older. Just because they don't like it now, doesn't mean they will be forever at odds with it. Furthermore, how would you feel if someone bigger than you tried to force feed you something you thought was disgusting? Something I was taught when I did my studies was that you should never do to a child what you would not be prepared to do to an adult.
What I'm trying to say is that, just because children can't verbalise their opinions doesn't mean they don't have them, and that they shouldn't be listened to. Babbling is an important stage in a child's language development, as they learn how to make sounds, and attach meanings to everyday objects. Don't write their attempts at speech off as 'cute, but meaningless', they have as much right to be heard as we do.
~ Jewels
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